The Anticipation of the Rant
Ever since last week’s rest day post, I’ve been obsessed with trying to find something that makes me furious enough to rant about. Problem is, the world has evidently run out of stupid this week (and by “the world” I mean things that happen in my direct line of site on a daily basis). Not one fucking person has tied a girl to a car, tied a baby to their chest with a crushing amount of weight directly over the aforementioned baby’s “domepiece”, or given my gym a poor rating on Yelp despite the fact they’ve NEVER EVEN BEEN IN MY GYM.
Side rant… Yelp can literally burn to the ground with the heat of a nuclear warhead being detonated directly into their collective scrotums. Let me get this straight… You weasely MFers only allow comments from DORKS who rate enough bullshit for you to approve of, then when my legitimate clients attempt to rate something you put it in a “filtered” category which is harder to find than a Twinkie in Robb Wolf’s house? THEN you call me every week offering to SELL ME something that will boost my ratings?
You here that, Yelp? That’s the sound of the Enola Gay about five miles out. Oh, that red dot on your taint? It’s probably just a stain.
(Yes, I realize I mixed a 70-year-old B-29 Bomber with the modern weapons technology of a laser site in the above scenario. Fuck off, it’s my visual.)
I mean would it kill someone to just do something we could make fun of? Don’t we need another opportunity to hike our noses to the sky and continue to reinforce the eleetness of pretty much every thing we do every single damn day?
Would it kill someone to try a 185# Snatch, miss it behind, and have it come horrifically crashing down on them? Then we could watch their 5-year-old son run directly past, clearly so entertained by a foam roller that they can’t be bothered to stop and see if mommy is dead or alive? No way anything cool like that would ever happen.