It’s not that we don’t like you…
It’s that we don’t give a shit about you. Well; it’s not you, personally—it’s everyone really. We only like us, our people, the ones who think like us, the ones who are there every day, the ones who have a horrible rack position and are working on it, the ones who just will not reach that lead foot on their Jerk, the ones who pay us their hard earned money and thank us with every drop of their sweat.
I know, you have no fucking idea what I’m talking about. You thought I was about to get all Jon North on you, and bring Donnie in to read this post on video. Nope. No dramatic flair, only this: I want you to stop coming into my gym.
We have been witness to a disturbing trend over the last 3 or 4 months. Every day, I’m not exaggerating, we get an email saying that someone wants to drop-in to our gym. We get so many drop-ins that we had to add a form to our gym website, and actually say that we would no longer allow ANY unannounced drop-ins. We had to do this because we were starting to have multiple drop-ins during the same class. One Saturday morning I showed up and there were SEVEN waivers sitting on the desk. Now don’t get me wrong, it’s flattering as hell, but I shouldn’t need name tags to coach my Saturday morning group.
You may think I’m an asshole for this post (or just in general), and you may not understand WHY we’re so vehement about not wanting drop-ins. The funny thing is, I actually don’t mind drop-ins. I sorta like them. I always wanted to be a gym that let any traveling exerciser come in and hang out free of charge. I’ve NEVER charged anyone a drop-in fee, and have never been charged one. It’s petty, and goes against the entire aesthetic I envisioned for my gym. When people like SEXYASFUCK, Ranger Steve, or Auste Rayome visit us we absolutely love it. Why? Because they know-what-the-fuck-they’re-doing.
No, you don’t have to be a snarky blogger, a bald/bearded guy that’s lost a million pounds, or a top 15 level athlete to stop in, but you must…
KNOW THE FUCKING DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A LOW BAR AND HIGH BAR SQUAT.
This is religion to us. You might as well walk in to Rich Froning’s house and say, “I don’t know, Jesus – Allah, they both have beards.” Our CLIENTS will get mad at you for not knowing how to squat, and THEY will laugh at you behind your back. They will literally shake their heads in pity the second you step out of the rack having no clue whether the barbell is on top, below, or magically floating three feet behind your traps. When I read the percentages off the board and you respond with “I’ve never done a one-rep-max”, they won’t even be surprised. They’ve seen too many just like you. Too many visitors who “have been doing CF for 2 years”, and need me to spend the entire hour session with them because they “don’t really lift” at their gym and they’ve “never done a handstand before”.
Yep, I’m elitist as shit. I only want my people at my gym. If you’re visiting DC, you don’t have at least a working knowledge of our movement lexicon, and an exhaustive list of your own numbers—stay the fuck out of my gym. If you pass through our defenses, and dare to come in, be prepared for us to ignore you every second you’re there. Again, it’s not that we don’t like you, or that we purposely want to be assholes, it’s just that I WILL NOT allow you to steal attention from my paying clients. We have many VERY hard working people. They are obsessed with their performance, their numbers, and fixing the things they suck at. They are there EVERY DAY. They are a gym that will not EVER complain about a session going over time because they were being coached, and MANY of them will stay after or come in early to work on things they are struggling with. They also want their coach’s eyes on them. When it’s their time, it’s their time, and every time a visitor comes in it’s a crapshoot as to whether they’ll be ok or we’ll have to spend an hour teaching them how to do a lunge (true story).