I teased this one, which means I guess I should follow through. Eff.
There are 3 kinds of local competitions:
1) “Uh… We don’t have enough gear so we’re gonna use kettlebells for everything.”
2) “Hey everybody, look how much shit we threw in this WOD—you want a treasure map for the final chipper?”
3) “Fuck you. You’re gonna die this weekend!”
I’m sure some people who have put on local competitions will get fairly butt hurt by this post, but I don’t care—if you think I’m talking about you, I probably am. There are a few simple rules you should follow when programming a test worthy of the athletes who will attend your event.
The first thing you should think about is whether you’re testing fitness or weird shit that you like. Is the ability to pick up a stone a good test of fitness that will prove work capacity, or is it some cool shit you saw Rob Orlando do and now you’re excited to have the leftover stones for your gym? In my opinion lifting stones can eat a dick. Yes, I just said that. I have short arms, a back that’s prone to injury, and I really have no desire to pick up a rock. In my opinion, God opened up the heavens and gave us things called BARBELLS to prove how much weight we can lift. Not only does everyone have them, but everyone practices barbell movements and they are a far more uniform test. Look, you can tell me 9 million reasons why stones are amazing for developing full body tension, flexibility, and intervertebral strength, but if you tell one of my best athletes to pick one up I’m not gonna be happy—I don’t care how good it is.
Have we seen stones at the Games? Regionals? Does “Badger” have stones? I will, however, program stone work periodically. The ONLY reason is because I’m worried someone at HQ will finally talk someone else at HQ into rolling out the stones at Regionals and I’ll look like an asshole when all my athletes come in last on the stupid stone WOD.
Another thing you should probably think about is whether the stuff you’re programming makes any god-dang sense. I’ll give you an example… A few years ago Jason Hoggan was winning a local competition BY A LOT. The final WOD was something like 50 Burpees, 40 Thrusters and 30 HSPU. Anyone see where this is going? Jason was at least a full minute ahead when he kicked up against the wall for the HSPU. He immediately collapsed, ONTO HIS HEAD, and ended up getting 3-ish HSPU before the organizers made up a new cutoff time that was double what the cutoff originally was. The organizers actually CUT REPS in the middle of the WOD as they watched person after person nearly break their necks when they even attempted to kick up into a handstand.
WHEN—not IF—you have someone try out the WODs, make sure it’s not your 130# gymnast on the gymnastics WOD. Make sure you don’t have your best powerlifter test the 405 deadlift for 45 reps WOD. Also, STOP WRITING SHIT WITH 5-MINUTE AMRAPs OF FUCKING HEAVY DEADLIFTS. I swear to god the next time the Outlaws are at a comp where this comes out we are walking out the fucking door (and oh by the way, it’s not cause we’re scared of that stupid shit, we ALWAYS win those).
Finally, take notes from HQ. While everyone was complaining about how light the Open WODs were last year, they were busy planning the Regional WODs to make every faker and pushup snaker look like a complete asshole. Last year’s Regional was my favorite competitive exercise event ever. Aside from the sorta odd standard on the thruster, I thought it was a perfectly designed event. What did you see? You saw high skill work (HSPU, Muscle-Ups), you saw a maximal strength test, you saw multiple time domains, you saw heavy and light, you saw BW and BB, you pretty much saw anything you SHOULD see in a competition. What did you NOT see? You didn’t see ridiculous implements or movements. You didn’t see odd rep schemes or confusing, convoluted WODs. You didn’t see crazy repetitive stuff that would leave people unable to extend their limbs for a week, and—most important—you didn’t see Turkish Get-Ups FOR FUCKING TIME.
Look, I know I program TGUs in a 5- or 10-minute AMRAP sometimes, but that is only to make sure you guys don’t take a half hour doing 15 reps. The TGU is NOT a “for time” movement. Do you want to kill someone?! (I don’t know why this makes me so angry, but I’m actually shaking the computer as I write this.) Program swings or snatches if you wanna use a kettlebell. You’re not Copernicus. There is zero reason for you to think you are smart enough to re-invent the wheel.
Ah… That was fun.
6 weeks ago Elisabeth Akinwale’s 1RM Back Squat was 235#. Today she got 285# for her 100%. I suggested she base off this before starting the Hatch cycle. I might have guessed too light.
Kevin Simons – 500# Back Squat and 2:15 Diane – FUCK YEAH.
Let me preface any bitching by saying; yes he could have maybe made the lockout a little more pronounced on the HSPU, but maybe his arms are just so fucking diesel that he looks like he’s not locking out. Either way—this is a BAMF.
20 minutes Snatch technique work from the hang.
Notes: Work from whatever hang position is your worst. Concentrate on turnover and pulling under, NOT JUMPING.
8 minute AMRAP of:
15 Step Down Box Jumps 24″
Notes: No bounding is allowed on the box jumps. Every rep must be step down after standing completely on top of the box.
1a) 3X5 TGUs – medium/heavy, rest 45 sec.
1b) 3X20 Reverse Hyper – medium, rest 45 sec.